Omg, I just got the internet back after like nine months of being away from here.  and I have good news and bad.  First off, I left my abusive b/f and got myself a wicked awesome man.  Second I got myself totally 100% pure and clean.  But the bad news is the down fall of getting clean and getting really comfterble is I gained like a lot of weight.  I had myself down to 120 pounds and now I am teetering at 147 (just lost 7 pounds too) mind you I do stand 5' 10". But that is no excuse for the way I look now.  And I was doing so well yesterday too and then my bf decided that he wanted pizza.  god I hate myself.  I ate so much and for some reason my stomack is growling this morning.  Well I'm not feeding the bastard. And that is that.  Plus it's my b'day tomorow and I was really hoping my weight would be further down for pictures, but I guess I fuc*ed up again.


If you can't tell the mood is sarcastic...

Hi everyone.  I'm new, my name is Jessica, I will be 21 in a month.  I have had ana and mia for five or six years now. 
 H- 5' 9"
CW- 150
LW- 105  
HW- 185
GW- 125
I dont know my bmi I haven't eaten all day and I need some support to get through it.  I am gonna go have a smoke then make some green tea.  Anyone else fasting?

So far so good, I have not eaten a single bite all day long today.  It is only five thirty-three, but I know that I can do it.  I am going to have another cup of green tea, (I have had two already) then, I am going to go sit in my room and read, then I will come back into the living room to knit.  It keeps my hands busy and I can make some pretty cool stuff.  I am making the most comfterble slippers ever.  Any ways,  wish me luck.  Gotta fly.

I am soo tired today.  My cat seems to decide when I get up now.  He will sit at the end of the bed and meow untill you wake up.  So he saw me move and he jumped right up to my head and crawled under the blanket with me.  It was adorable no doubt, but when your eyes have barely focused in and he rubbs against my face, the adjoining cat hairs all in my eyes was not so cute.  He finnaly stopped freaking out.  Every day I take him in to the back yard on his leash, but it is the first thing he will want to do as soon as i get up. So he runs all over the house just crying and crying (the long sad meows they make).  He has finnaly decided to have a nap and leave me alone. :)  Well, I haven't eaten yet, and I've gotta go take my diet pills in a couple minutes.  Oh yeah, so I didn't eat for so long yesterday then my fiance's dad decided to take us to macdonalds.  I had to eat, Yeah.
But did I have to devour two, count them two, double cheese burgers?  Luckly I can purge.  I lost most of them, but I know I couldn't get them all out.  Today I pay for it.  At least it's not hott today.  It looks like it might rain.  So I can go for a very very long walk  today, (I get physicaly sick in the sun, I pass out and puke) and burn off all of that disqusting fat.

Good morning world.  Do you ever wake up, you don't hurt at all, your wide awake, and you are just plain happy?  That's exactly how I feel today.  I bet it has something to do with the fact that I finally got my ephedirne diet pills.  And the guy at the store was super nice he gave me four free packs of these new fat burners and maximum strength (muhahahahhaha) energy pills.  Then when I was leaving he told me to grab a water for free.  I think he might have thought I was cute.  Well  no matter what, if he was crushin' or just being nice, it sure made my day. So I am like just pumped with energy, I don't even need coffee today.  Hehehe. I'm  such a goof ball.  I think I might have killed one too many brain-cells over the last ten years of drug abuse.  All well, I'm completely clean now, I have been for months, and I have never felt better.  It's my little sister's birthday in a week.  She is gonna be 15!  And she is like two inches shorter than me, my little brother is six foot two and he is only 16!  It is so hard for me to picture them getting older,  whenever I think about them I see two little kids in my head that are annoying and just make a lot of noise.  But they are so big now  and my brother is about to finish school before I even do.  (I dropped out of school at least six or seven times since grade nine. I'm 21 in a month and a half.)   I wont be able to get my sister a gift, not like I ever have, but still.   I'll just give her a kick in the ass and a pinch to grow an inch.  I wish I could grow at least two more inches.  I know I'm already tall, but I really wish I could be model tall.  Five foot eleven would be perfect.   I mean when I wear heels or my kick-ass combat hooker boots with platforms, I'm like six feet tall, but I wish I was just a two inches taller.  Maybe I'll go to some fetish place and get streched on a rack.  No thank you.  Owch.  That wouldn't be my smartest move.  Any who, my man is a stirrin'  I better put some coffee on  and get a joint rolled.  ttyl. If anyone from the pro-ana site is reading me, please let me in.  I know I'm desperate, it's pathetic. I know. 

MMM, morning.  So I just ate an apple and 5 small pickles, so that was like 60 calories.  I so hope that I can keep it at that and nothing more today.  I really need to loose this weight.  Ugh, I hate this, I just ate but I still feel so freaking hungry.  But I am promising to myself that I will not eat another bite today or tomorrow.  Gratefully it isn't scorching out today so I can at least go for my normal walk.  Ahh! I really need to loose this weight.  I want to go and purge this up, but I know if I do that I will be even hungrier later and I will most surely binge.  I can not fail. Not today. Today I must have control. My fat ass can't handle another binge.  Or another calorie for that matter.  I can do it.  I will do it.  I must do it.